PAD 4: Hard To Believe

 

Me as a novice with the Legionaries of Christ,
before I left them and went into the archdiocesan seminary mentioned in today's poem.

PAD Challenge, Day 4 prompt: "write a mistake poem. Everyone makes mistakes. Yes, even that person standing in the corner shaking their head to the contrary. And even those people who don't admit to making mistakes have seen others make them. So whether it's the mistakes you've made, witnessed in others, etc., write a poem about it today."

Hard To Believe

A great mistake that I did make
Was to give someone too much power,
When I was going through priestly discernment
In diocesan seminary's bower.

When I first started at that place,
By a seminarian I was solemnly warned
To not go to the Archbishop or
The superiors if I'm alarmed.

He said if I did so, He'd make sure I would be
Treated accordingly
By him and other students there,
Who'd ensure I'd never be a Priest.

At one point in the course of that year,
Two invited me to come
To watch an unrated movie with them
In the common room for Collegians' fun.

But suspecting vice, I rightly declined,
Then th' invitation turned to a threat:
They said to join them in minutes fifteen
Or from my room they would drag me instead.

I gave in out of fear and not knowing much option
Just to make it to Ordination,
But as I suspected, the movie was smut;
A few days later I made my decision.

As hard as it was, that place I would leave
In a voluntary manner,
Though I knew that I would have to give up my dream,
That wasn't to me what had mattered.

Most important to me was obeying God's law,
And that meant that I had to leave;
I gave up seminary to live moral life,
And that is what's hard to believe.

It took a few years and some anger and tears
To get over the hurt that I felt,
But I learned to trust in Divine Providence,
And in peace, play the hand I was dealt.

Hindsight is funny, it makes things so clear:
I should have punched them in the nose,
And if they spoke of it, they'd have had to reveal
Their warped consciences and be exposed.

But now they are Priests anointed of God,
And I'd never lay my hand upon
The anointed of God, just as David had said
When he truly could have harmed Saul.

Despite all my hurt, I have not left the Church,
For I could not abandon my King;
I know He is there in the Tabernacle,
And like me, He knows deep suffering.

In the Latin Mass from the Missal of past
God touched me with His healing balm;
Some say it's not right, but I'd rather not fight
In the "liturgy wars" that go on.

I know it's more blessed to obey and to stay
Than to leave o'er liturgical form,
For Christ's in Peter's Barque, there I lean on His Heart,
For He sleeps there in peace on the storm.

I recommend the Memoirs of Don Bosco
To seminarians surrounded by vice,
For he has there great truths that will help you get through,
If you would only heed his advice.

Be bold and be kind, but be keen as the hind,
For if the priesthood's your calling, you must
With prudence and might carry on in the fight,
For in you many souls need to trust.

Saint John Bosco to Seminarians

from Memoirs of the Oratory of Saint Francis de Sales, by Saint John Bosco (Part II, Ch. 19)

And as for my companions, I stuck to my beloved mother's advice. That is, I fraternized only with companions who had a devotion to Mary and who loved study and piety. Here I must give a word of warning to seminarians. In the seminary there are many clerics of outstanding virtue, but there are others who are dangerous. Not a few young men, careless of their vocation, go to the seminary lacking either the spirit or the goodwill of a good seminarian. Indeed, I remember hearing some companions indulging in very bad language. Once, a search amongst some students' personal belongings unearthed impious and obscene books of every kind. It is true that these later left the seminary, either of their own accord or because they were expelled when their true character came to light. But as long as they stayed, they were a plague to good and bad alike.

To avoid such dangerous associates, I chose some who were well known as models of virtue. These were William Garigliano, John Giacomelli of Avigliana and, later, Louis Comollo. For me, these three friends were a treasure.

Just to note, I do not think it was a mistake to have left the seminary, especially because God worked it out for my own good: omnia in bonum. He provided me a virtuous wife, with whom I have built a very good life. We have three wonderful children here on earth, and we have two little saints in Heaven. What I do believe was a mistake, however, is not having done something to stand up to the seminarians who threatened me. But perhaps it was God's way of showing me where my true vocation was; after all, I am very happy, and being a father has helped me to come to know the love of God the Father in ways that I otherwise would have been unable to experience. And for sure, there is a need for virtuous Catholic fathers and mothers who will raise their children to become the next generation of virtuous Catholics, whether married or religious or Priests. This kind of renewal of the domestic church will lead to a true renewal in the whole Church.